


The Blue Paladin

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Cutting, Depression, Hugs, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 04:16:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lance hurts.





	The Blue Paladin

It hurt.

 _EVERYTHING FUCKING HURT_.

 

The back stabs, the words behind his back, the words told to him in person. All of it... Hurt... So much. But even though everything hurt, he had learned. Lance had learned to hide his emotions. Keep them separate from what makes him his own person.

 

If he felt bad, the only thing he did was ignore the feeling and kept up his facade of happiness. It never mattered how much his heart hurt as he smiled at Hunk or when he laughed at a joke he didn't actually find funny or something worth laughing at, he just laughed because everyone would be worried if he didn't laugh. He learned that hiding the cuts were easier than anyone would have imagined.

 

Wear long sleeves and a jacket all the time and there, they're gone from sight but not your mind. Because how do you get rid of something that is on your mind all the time? How are you supposed to forget that? He could never forget that because they would be there even when they healed. Even when he thought he was better he wasn't. Now, when he became a paladin of Voltron, he thought that everything had changed.

 

He thought he was finally important and had something to do with his life. He devoted himself. He found something to put all his thoughts into and ignore everything that way. But even he knew that wasn't going to last forever. Everything is temporary. Nothing stays. When Shiro came back, that's when he started doing it again. Remembering that he knew he wasn’t actually important because he's Lance McFuckingClain, the total and utter fuck up of his family that wasn't ever going anyway in his life and all he was going to do was fail and live with his mother as she tries to tell him that at one point he was important.

 

Lance choked a sob, throwing the knife he has hidden in his bed into the corner of the room, curling in on himself like he always did when he wanted to cut but couldn't do it because there are days when he knew he was going to go too deep. All he could hear was the roaring in his ears and the pain shooting his stomach to his eyes and to his ears then bad to his stomach. He clenched his stomach with his hands, trying to not think. Lance tried to focus on the sounds of everything but himself, then he heard another noise. He shot himself up from his position just to be staring into the eyes of Keith, who was holding a plate of food goo and a glass of water. Lance let out a shaky breath and then went and covered himself with his blanket, trying to cover up the cuts that he had stabbed into his stomach only moments before. Keith just stared, wide eyed and looking at the blood that was beginning to seep through the pristine white sheets.

 

Lance sobbed and Keith set down the things in hands onto the floor and hugged him.


End file.
